seenger needehd fohr SEXXYTIME

check this out. it reveals the sheer beauty of craigslist. happened back in february, after i'd seen the same nagging ad for months.

the ad: audition for a female singer.
Band is searching for NYC based singer (no tourists!)
1> perfect pitch
2> dark/ tall/slim/sexy (above 5.7, under 115)
4> born to be a singer > be Pro minded.
5> NO SONGWRITERS
6> direction : pj harvey cat power beth gibbons mazzy star bjork

My response?
Me: I've seen this ad too many times to not respond. It's frankly disconcerting that you have A HAIR COLOUR PREFERENCE in your quest for a singer. It's an appalling addition to your already nauseating height & weight requests.
Think broadening your range might help in actually finding your front woman?
See attached to get it through your ridiculously thick (and ignorant) skulls that sexy doesn't always come in an American Apparel catalogue wannabe, doe-eyed, size 2 frame. Neither does talent.
(note: small photo of my humorously annoyed face attached)

What ensues?
Him: obviously UUUUUUUUUU love urself....not bad....at all....but what it has to do with my ad or taste (i only work/date with female models....it's my choice....and i just donwanna change anythig in that field). regarding talent > i train female singers....that's my main ROLE besides songwriting....i am sure that i can find some "needed to be
improved" stuff in your singing....if you don't think so >try me...i don't bite (like you) and also i am friendly person to artsy people....100% truth. lemme know :) you don't have height...but probably you have guts/confidence to respond with ph#
okdk tnx

Me: While I do appreciate the response, I'm not looking for a date, or a Svengali. I thought the ad was seeking a lead singer.... Good luck with model thing.

Him: date? r u kidding ? my g/f was shoked...she said >" is this girl jumped out of her mind" ? bw > we read emails tgtr...ure toooooooooooo farrrrrrrrrrrr from my league....and i already have a wonderful g/f....well guess....yeap....she's a model....i already said that i date only models....ure faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr frome that league....you know that :) and also i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee my g/f....a lotttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt :). i am a PRO musician and TRAINING dosn't means SEX but VOICE TRAINING u PSYCHO i knew that ure a blah blah chick > obviously ur reply talks about it > BIG TIME

Me: Erm... Your response said date/work, hence the comment. I've seen your post up on Craigs, for how long? Months? If you're a vocal teacher, why can't you just use one of your students/models and just train her?
I shared this exchange (thinking he'd laugh at its sheer ridiculousness) with a friend who does do music professionally (as in a REAL studio with REAL producers, like Marius De Vries and Billy Steinberg) and he just laughed saying "No one who actually does this for a living talks like this, this guy is a wanna-be phony who thinks a model can conceal his lack of talent. Even most pop guys I worked with (for Dido, Kylie, Jewel, Kelly Alli- none freaking models or amazing vocalists, mind you) weren't like this."
Is Beth Gibbons a model? PJ, Bjork? Crank up the auto-tune, because you're going to need it.
Everyone appreciates a beautiful woman, myself included, but beauty can't make up for talent even with "professional" training, which your frequent protesting that you are, indeed, make you sound like an amateur. Maybe you're just waiting to release the next Heidi Montag/ Paris wannabe to make a buck. All fine & well, but don't conceal your lack of integrity with barbs about a stranger's looks. It's puerile. Wait- should I define that? Puerile= unnecessarily childish.
My response to your ad was a simple inquiry as to why, if you're looking for a PJ, there is a height/weight requirement? The two are completely incongruent. I'm simply a singer looking for people with great sensibility to work with and, while I might not be featured in Terry Richardson's next spread, my looks are not an issue. Get that? Obviously not. Besides, your equating the ONLY kind of girl you work with with the kind you date is troubling enough. Go back to Williamsburg.
All sarcasm aside, I know working on music is a tough process. Seriously, good luck finding that ideal combination you're looking for and making it work. Best of luck.

Him (at 2 am): i'm more into name like richard wagner/strauss...faure/mertin/bartok...this are the people i rank like
my league...in couple of years (including tomorrow) nobody will remember names that you came up with > you'll see it....including your "super pro friend"...please don't waste my time....yes > i work with and date only models....don't like it > ask ur friend to write stuff for you and maybe make love...at list you'll be more relaxed....at list you
(message ends)

The ad now, 3 months later?
Is there ANYONE who's not 5' tall and wannabe singer?
Someone who has voice/image/brain/passion for singing + + +
Most chick that reply to our ads are > tourists/single/fat/no voice wannabes :(
Nothing wrong with that but WE DON'T NEED THEM AT ALL (be nice you may say > we
are but it's not about beeing nice....it's all about finding right match for our
songs/music)
We are looking for (and please DON"T reply if it's not you):
1> perfect pitch
2> strong middle range
3> tall/slim/sexy (showbiz is showbiz...there are minimum requierments) (sounds like daiting ad but it's nothing even close to that)
4> born to be a singer > no begginers/curious chicks...be Pro minded.
5> must have personal life in place (no single/drama divas please)
6> must have time for serious commitment (working 2-3-4-5 jobs? this call is
not for you....sorry)
7> again and again > NO SONGWRITERS (search for your own band > yeap)
8> happy personality is A + + + bcs in this band > we love people with POSITIVE
ENERGY)
9> NO LIBRAS (we have our reasons for this)

he got it wrong there. i'm a pisces.