wish it was sunday, 'cause that's my fun day.

so it's monday and i feel once again that i wasted a perfectly splendid weekend.

it all started friday. i had made plans with some of my classmates to head down to the shelbourne for some karaoke, followed by a few drinks at the pawn shop with all of the hipsters. so i called ever hour or so & waited. and waited. and waited. i fell asleep by midnight & found out that, not only had they gone without me, but that my newest teacher crush (name: ronny. occupation: copywriter at crispin porter bogusky. weapons of choice: quick witticisms and devastating smile) was there, too. great. in all honesty, we would have probably wound up talking about how great m's work is and i would have been dreadfully embarrassed.

this is my second teacher crush. the first one was back at theater school, but he doesn't count. all the girls had a crush on him and he wound up seducing the illegal ones. the thought of him simply makes me blush and wish that all the drugs i did in my early twenties had wiped the slate clean of his name. it's an embarassing story i don't care to delve into...

saturday comprised of taking photos at the airport with my increasingly grumpy boyfriend and then heading out to the miami new times best of 2005 party in downtown. if the best that miami has to offer is a bunch of balding men in khakis and drunk girls in ponchos & matching moccasins, i'm outta here.

sunday was spent trying to take more photos, watching "some like it hot", and ordering in hunan chicken. how absolutely stimulating.

i remember the languid weekends m & i once spent, lounging in bed until 3, making brunch then falling back in to bed with tangled limbs and hair to make love again. now, i wouldn't at all surprised if i wake up surreptitiously humping my mattress. we're hitting the dreaded two year mark, when i get restless and the boys become disinterested. maybe i'm preparing myself for it by letting him annoy me daily, losing my patience. perhaps i've lulled myself into the sick security that i won't let this work, simply because it so easily could. perhaps that's why i find myself getting so perturbed by missing a chance encounter with a guy i barely know (a teacher at my school, no less) because i know i would never act on any flirtation simply because my relationship, as mundane as it is lately, is just so good.

proof that i'm naturally blonde

last night, i did something rather interesting. i had been invited out to have a few drinks with an old friend and fought frantically to find a suitable outfit to wear. finding that the very skirt i wanted to don was dirty, i handwashed it & a matching white v-string (note: my only pair of white underwear). after turning my entire flat upside down looking for change for the dryer in my building, i found myself resorting to the ol' hair dryer method. as my wrist grew increasingly tired, i had a (not so) bright idea.
i remembered the seinfeld episode where kramer is obsessed with putting his clothes in the oven to make them toasty (the very same calzone & "pockets full of pennies" episode). as i chuckled to myself, i realized that putting my clothes in a gas oven would probably be quite hazardous. all of a sudden, my green eyes flashed open with what i thought was the perfect alternative- the microwave!!! this wonderous invention would certainly dry my clothes in less time!!!
i decided that my bbv v-string would be a suitable test subject and skipped to the kitchen happily to give my theory a try. i set the timer for 1.5 minutes and went back to my trusty blowdryer, anxious to see the results.
90 seconds later- i return to the kitchen an open the door of the microwave. not yet noticing the acrid smell. oh yes, my thong was dry, but it now had black burn marks along the crotch.
i had forgotten that my v-string was made of 25% polyester.
nuking underwear only proves that i'm naturally blonde.