goodbyes

i'm leaving miami in 8 days... and the last time i left was almost 8 years ago.
m & i are going to france for christmas before going to amsterdam to study. it appears that i will be a nomad for the next year and, while the adventure enthralls me, saying goodbye is pretty damn hard.
it's saying goodbye to the most fulfilling job i've ever had, saying goodbye to the students i'm always pleased to spend a few precious hours with each week. it's leaving my cat (the only thing that seems to calm me down when i'm distraught) and the apartment i've made into a home. it's leaving my folks, who grow dearer to me every day, and the network of beautiful thrilling friends i've come to love like blood. it's leaving my sandals and skirts to adorn layers of wool to keep me warm.
my high school had a yearly ritual. a week before graduation, the entire theater department would gather in the large black box theater while the seniors stood onstage to say goodbye and thank the teachers. most wound up bawling and acting like melodramatic adolescents we all, admittedly, were. i think i spouted off some random kerouac quotes about art before growing overly sentimental and making a general ass of myself. it was pretty damn self-indulgent, even then.
now, instead of making a big scene about my impending departure, i just seem to be stressing over the minutiae of organizing my new life and fretting about not having evry last detail taken care of.
i am simultaneously thrilled and scared out of my wits, but somewhere beneath my frazzled exterior, know i am more ready than i could ever imagine.