dag

it's taken me nine glorious days to get to this. i'm finally in amsterdam... and finally feel at home.
my last few days in miami left me drawn, physically and emotionally. the preparations were not done to completion, but i managed to get myself into a place where i could at least leave without the fear of waking up every morning in a cold sweat. for the first time in my adult life, my parents offered their help in every aspect... and even seemed delighted to assist me. they subdued my substantial fears by assuring me that they would tie up any of my hastily left business without any questions. somehow, this security helped me feel more 'adult' than all of the million other times when they've urged me to conquer adversity and be responsible 'on my own.' i guess part of really coming to terms with adulthood (something that, at almost 27, i still shy away from with mincing steps and girlish tittering) is knowing when to ask for help, even from the people you've come to expect it least.
christmas was spent in the south of france with m's family- lots of food and wine, many tears on my part after feeling i had left without a proper goodbye- then proceeded to austria to go snowboarding. now, i approached the slope with a certain sense of arrogance. i had been a great skier once (no, seriously) and was confident that my balance would serve me well on the board. i spent three days falling down with massive black bruises as battle scars before throwing in the proverbial towel. i actually walked down an entire run, carrying my snowboard, crying miserably in the cold. note to self: next time you decide to take on a new sport, book lessons with a professional instead of relying on the wavering patience of your lover.
upon my arrival in amsterdam, i fell head over heels in love immediately. this city is unbelievably breathtaking and positively humming with life. not buzzing fiendishly like london or new york, or throbbing persistently like miami, it simply sings. the rhythm is steady and intoxicating. it's a clear-headed high, leaving my head thrown back blissfully as the cool, calm night seems to swallow me whole. i never want to leave.
there are surprises found in every narrow street... and every person i've met has been extraordinarily kind, and content, to boot.
one example- a few nights ago, m and i were on our way to meet our classmates at a club. we kept trying to hail a cab, but were unsuccessful. we came across a guy stopped on his bike and asked him where the nearest busy street was so that we could find some transportation into the center of town (note: we live on the perimeter of central amsterdam, in a beautiful open-layout one bedroom in a modern building, WITH a lift. very rare in 'dam). instead of directing us, the gentleman insisted that he call a cab for us, to pick us up. really. after a quick conversation in dutch, he gave us a warm smile and pedaled off, wishing us a happy stay. astounding...
of course, i've had a few teary bouts of homesickness, missing my friends and cat, but the transition to my new life has been surprisingly smooth.
it's reassuring to know that i'm able to start over... and always able to return to all that is familiar.