100things, part one

i'm a copycat. imitation, flattery, plagiarism, whatever.

1. i was born 2.5 months premature and had to be resuscitated. baby defibrillators 'n all.
2. my father donated blood for the first time in order to supply me with grade a+. literally.
3. my hospital bracelet said i was a boy.
4. which is incredibly humorous, considering my adult 'attributes.'
5. i had red hair that turned blonde
6. which i later turned back to red
7. and blue eyes that turned green.
8. i cursed at my mother as a child ("this soup is too bloody hot!" age 3).
9. i also acted spoiled ("buy me merchandise" age 3.5)
10. and prematurely snobby ("i'd like a glass of white wine, please" age 4).
11. i once tried to fly a kite inside the two story home i grew up in
12. and had more success indoors than i did at my school's actual kite day.
13. i took ballet, tap, and jazz classes religiously for over nine years,
14. but couldn't stay in hebrew school for over a month.
15. i was the joker in my dance recital when all the other girls were batm(e)n
16. and made the younger girls cry, with my neon green hair and saltwater taffy smile.
17. i always eat the spiciest food imaginable
18. i have ugly deformed dancer's feet that tell stories about my lost youth as a budding ballerina.
19. i was accepted into the joffrey ballet summer program
20. but abandoned my dreams once my boobs appeared (age 13).
21. by 15, i was incessantly made fun of.
22. by 20, every gay man i knew had tried to grab 'em.
23. by 25, i was over them. the twins, not the boys.
24. i have a coffee stain- mimicking birthmark on my left hip
25. and abhor patchouli
26. but not as much as abercrombie...
27. i distinctly remember performing at the jcc summer camp, dancing to "new attitude" by patti labelle, in a black suspender-y leotard with red & black paint splattered t-shirt, leqwarmers, headband, and wristbands.
28. needless to say, i was damn cute then.
29. i drink gin & tonic like water
30. preferably bombay sapphire.
31. i once thought i would spend my life in a new york loft, walking barefoot on wood floors as a black cat snaked around my ankles while i listened to sade's "love deluxe" & orchestrated the grandest of dinner parties for my artiste friends.
32. i also thought i would be sharing this life with another woman.
33. i went to an arts high school for music theater
34. and had nauseating bouts of stage fright every time i had to sing in public.
35. i later switched to acting & playwriting.
36. my only produced play was a series of six female monologues i had intended to be a one-woman show.
37. it was called (puke) "silent all these years"
38. and no record of it remains.
39. there's a very long story involving a bizarre synchronicity with my then best friend, our respective plays, and the death of my grandmother. i won't even try to approach it here, but it might entertain her to see mention of it here...
40. i sang in an indie pop stereolab-wannabe band- and got kicked out.
41. my karaoke skills are unparalleled. just ask what my set list is...
42. i take the best random digi-cam self portraits
43. but never look like the same person.
44. i cook like a maniac- but always make the same basic menus.
45. i always slip back into bed after showering, a towel on my head and the dampness holding fast to the creases behind my ears and knees.
46. i'm not as fond of shoes as other girls are...
47. but have an unhealthy obsession with ebay.
48. i miss the smell of london bus seats- chip grease, imported tobacco, mint POLOs, and a trace of vindaloo
49. and long to retrace my familiar path to highgate woods.
50. i didn't know marx was buried there until two years ago. bloody brilliant.